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You have many sentences giving very general critiques of marriott as a company rather than specific outlines of the problem you want to resolve and proposals for resolving it.

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Instructions for the Business memo:
Write a business memo using the feedback you received on the proposal. Successful memos will 1. summarize the problem and its impact on the company or organization;
2. provide concrete suggestions on how the company or organization should solve the problem;
3. and include a timeline and required resources to implement your approach.
4. The memo should be no more than one page in length, single-spaced.
5. The document should be attractively designed, using subheadings and Munter’s tips on the use of white space for high skim value.
6. Please also include a screenshot of your email’s readability statistics at the bottom of your email, which is found at the end of Microsoft Word’s “spellcheck” feature.
The original proposal I wrote is in the link, and here are the comments from the professor. (The organization here is good and straightforward, but the content of your email is a bit muddled. The standalone headings should not only structure the email but also convey information. If you scan the email, it’s unclear what it’s about. For example, instead of these two headings, you could have “Legacy perks are not being evenly applied” and “Resolving customer rewards problems.” These give a sense of the proposal as a whole. There is also a tonal issue here. You have many sentences giving very general critiques of Marriott as a company rather than specific outlines of the problem you want to resolve and proposals for resolving it. Thus, the bottom line suffers because anyone glancing over these sentences sees complaints rather than issues and solutions. Finally, your proposal is a bit unclear. You want to make a goodwill gesture to smooth past errors in customer perks, but this idea is buried. It is the main idea of the paragraph, so should be in the SAS and in the first sentence).
In addition, there is a sample memo provided in class just in case you need to take a look at the format, but this is not a good example because of its unclear statement and complex expressions.

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